Critical

I really hope this doesn't come across as preachy..it probably will..but its my blog and its currently the only thing I can write that isn't turned in for a grade and I need an outlet, so if you are offended, sorry I'm not sorry. Write your own blog.

I've been trying to find a way to put this for quite some time....and I have been avoiding it because I know it to be a controversial topic among many of my friends and colleagues. As a practitioner of the fine arts, it is hard enough to make friends with people that can so easily be viewed as your competition, and this is in no way a reaction to any one person or group of people, but just an observation that I have made time and time again in both the educational and professional realms.

Students of the arts are trained to be critical. It takes a critical ear to tune the harmonies in the chord, to clean up the notes in a riff (a melisma for you opera folk =P ), to maintain a consistent placement. It is essential that one develops an observant and critical eye for mannerisms, for tension, for characterization. It is encouraged in lessons, studios, labs and classes that we develop a language to deliver these critiques, and in the end, even though it isn't usually said in so many words, we are forced to pass judgement on not only the art or the music or the performance, (or whatever you want to call it) but on the individual as well. In the end, it is as simple as saying if it was good or if it was bad. If it was worthy or if it was unworthy.

The arts thrive on criticism. Without these opinions, there would be no structure; no balance. Pity the voice teacher that doesn't have a discerning ear, but pity their students more, because they are the ones whose future careers, or lack thereof, suffer. Criticism is needed. It is how we teach, and it is how we learn. It is one of the strongest driving forces behind ambition and focus. It inspires some, and strikes fear and doubt into the hearts and minds of others. Careers and reputations are made and broken through opinions. It can be seen time and time again, coursing through all forms of artistry. It is an incredibly powerful form of expression, and thus, it should be wielded carefully. However, at this particular school for performing arts, as well as countless others, one can see and hear critical value statements thrown around every day, as if one was discussing the weather, for lack of a better cliche. Unwarranted praise for one entity and unjustified damnation of another. This need to critique and be critiqued is paramount in our training, but I believe it is equally important to be able to turn off the critical eye/ear/mind and see what is innately good and present.

I think that is one of the most important and difficult lessons I learned in the past five or so years and I still work on it every day. There are many ways to do good. The hard part is recognizing the good and giving it the appropriate acknowledgement. It is so difficult for all of us to stop jumping to value statements, both negative and positive. I mean, when you're in a masters program, there really isn't anyone that just outright sucks, so why are people still passing out that label? Why can't we all just get off our high horses and congratulate each other on our successes and support each other through our failures? Because that is not the way we were taught.

Without exception, each of my performance professors has lectured on the adage that, in the world of professional theater, you can never stop working on yourself because you'll never be good enough..there will always be someone right behind you who is just as talented or as pretty or has just as good a belt as you do. One thing that is rarely mentioned in these lectures, is that continuous self-improvement doesn't have to turn you into an elitist. We're all made to be so terrified at the prospect of someone else blossoming into something more beautiful than we are, that we refuse to give each other the genuine support and encouragement that is not only deserved, but needed.

So often, we jump at the opportunity to demonstrate our musical superiority with negative value statements.

"That (whatever singer) sucks because they've only been in national tours - they'll probably never book a show on Broadway."

"I hate (title of song). Everyone sings it and its not even that well written."

"I don't know why everyone sings songs from (title of a musical). Its just like (title of another, equally brilliant musical) except not nearly as good."

"How did (person in my program) get into this program? It sounds like they've never had a voice lesson in their life."

Who the f*ck do we think we are? Truly. We wonder why theater people are so polarizing to the general population? I think this is the answer. We throw out all of our opinions as facts and we are, unfortunately, proud of it. There is no filter. There is no apology. There is, however, a certain high you get from being apparently "knowledgeable" about the arts. From having an opinion. To know that you have seen more shows on Broadway than any other person in your friend group. To have the power to condemn a performer or a performance or a show or a composer, just for the hell of it. The worst part, is that we're all guilty of it. Myself included.

So I ask myself, where is the good in this? Well, I can seem to find very little. We are certainly flexing our critical muscles, but at what expense?

Alice Ripley quoted John Fitzgerald Kennedy during her Tony acceptance speech for her role in Next to Normal with this statement: "I am certain that after the dust of centuries has passed over our cities, we too will be remembered not for our victories or defeats in battle or in politics, but for our contribution to the human spirit."

Life is far too short and far too beautiful to have so much judgement being thrust into it. There is already enough hate and disagreement in the world; we don't need to contribute to that. After all, our job as artists is creation. We have the privilege and the responsibility to create. The only thing left for us, is to choose what we will be creating and what impression we want to leave.

Happy October,

A

How to create autumn, even if it doesn't exist where you dwell.

After being mopey and pouting about all the things I missed in my last post, I decided to pout some more because I added another item to the list: fall. You know, the time of year when everything outside gets crisp and colorful? When delicious things are baked in your oven and you eat them with people that you enjoy? When you wear lovely sweaters and cardigans and scarves because its fashionable AND its appropriate to the climate?

Cinnamon and spice and everything nice. And pumpkin spice lattes from Starbucks. OM NOM NOM.

Yeah, well, in case you missed the last 7 memos, I live in the desert and fall doesn't exist here. Or at least, it doesn't exist when I think it should....(September until the end of November). Apparently it gets chilly for about 2 weeks in January and everyone in Phoenix freaks out and wears snowsuits because it dips below 50 degrees. Well I decided that I'm not going to wait for those two weeks, and last Wednesday I pulled out my scarves. Not kidding.

To clarify, I didn't wear them outside because that's dangerous. I nearly die of dehydration and heat exhaustion when I'm tooling around in shorts and a tank top.....a scarf would be the end of me. HOWEVER, the basement of the music building, where I have one of my singing classes, is colder than most freezers I know. Its jarring to walk through 100+ degree heat and then go down to the basement where it feels like late October. Not to mention that there is not a costume change for this transition. Still in the shorts and the tank. So I whipped out my scarves last week and while I wasn't exactly fashionable in my bi-polar (clever, right?....no? okay.) wardrobe, I certainly wasn't cold.

So I've decided to make a how-to entry for fall. For me, here are the things that quantify/qualify the occurrence of fall: fall clothing, fall food/cooking, fall home decor, fall weather and fall activities. I'm pretty sure I can imitate most of these requirements with semi-good success. IDK. You be the judge.

First, fall clothing. Well, in my haste to pack as quickly as possible and with my intention to not fill the car with unnecessary things, I failed to bring ANY sweaters with me to Arizona. I check my closet almost every day to see if any of them have magically appeared (I love Harry Potter) but alas, I apparently need to do some more work on my summoning charms. Drat. However, I have....how do you say....umm.....a gaggle of wool socks? (I discussed the usage of this term with a certain Fullerton this morning) No, a stash. Yes, a stash of wool socks at my disposal and one of my favorite activities is to wander around my apartment in my shorts and wool socks, regardless of the outside temperature. Its fun. Try it. Plus, its easier to slide around the tile floors with wool socks, than it is with regular socks....which is what I do when I'm supposed to be practicing. Apparently not much has changed since my undergrad. Whoops.

Next, fall food and cooking. Well I love fall food, but I'm not much of a cook as of yet, so I'll need to work on that. Recently, there was an allegedly delicious recipe for fall-type muffins that was passed around on le Facebook by some of my fall-loving college friends. I was about to attempt the baking of said muffins until I considered the repercussions of my failing to make them correctly. To start off, I don't yet own muffing baking equipment, ie. the muffin pan or muffin cups. And I've never made muffins. Eh, that's not true. One time, the boy person let me stir the ingredients for some muffins in the dish, but he did all the hard work and I wasn't paying that close of attention, so I don't remember the details. Plus, I'm pretty sure if I ruined the muffins, it would be a pretty huge setback for my cooking confidence. So far, I've only ruined dinner twice and breakfast 4 times. And two of the breakfast-fails were because I was too tired to function and probably shouldn't have been let near an oven anyway. All's well that ends well. Or something like that. For now, I will stick to eating Target-bought granola and drinking the Pumpkin Spice Lattes from Starbucks. Have you had one? They're life changing. You'll probably cry and have a midlife crisis, or something to that effect, so be prepared.

The toughie: Fall Home Decor. I'm not really sure what qualifies as fall home decor. Don't get me wrong, I have a huge appreciation for the moments when I walk into a house and have the sensation that it is properly equipped for the enjoyment of fall, I just can't put my finger on exactly what qualifies as a specifically fall-oriented decoration. So far, I've made three fall adjustments to my living space. I got a fall-colored afghan. Its brown and orange and leaf-colored and its wonderful to snuggle in and it smells like fresh linens because I dipped it in Febreze. The smell was overwhelming at first, but now its perfect. My second purchase was not entirely thought-through when I carried it out and you can tell in the presentation. I bought some fake leaves from my favorites store. I feel shameful even when I write that. Having come from a home where fake plants are valued over real plants because of their low-maitenence qualities, I felt like I was making a good choice. But when the fake plants that you buy are cloth leaves in a bag, and when you scatter your fake leaves around your already too-small kitchen table, and then you're nervous to eat there because you might ruin the arrangement that you spent 20 minutes on, you might find yourself on the list of nominees for "People Least Qualified to Decorate a Home, 2011." My final item, however is a winner. Candles. Cinnamon and Pumpkin scented candles. They give off a nice glow and they make any space smell like you rubbed potpourri on your face. I love it.....until I get nervous that I left my candles burning while I'm at school. Luckily, I never forget to blow my candles out...unfortunately, I just never remember actually doing it. Let me tell you, the flop-sweats are a thing even if you don't have bangs, and especially if you are worried that you're burning down your house while you're supposed to be learning fake-acoustics. #distracting

Fall weather. This is another toughie, especially if you already know you suck at summoning charms. Clearly the weather-changing spells are out of your league. So I make do. My favorite thing to do in this category, is to turn my air conditioning on the highest fan setting and the lowest temperature setting and then ram around my apartment in sweatpants and a blanket. I used to do this when I was in 6th grade, but my parents got mad at me for jacking up the energy bills. Well now that I live with myself, I can make my own decisions and if my need to feel cold overrides my need to eat for a week or two, so be it. Sacrifices people, sacrifices. Plus, I've always had a weird fascination about what it would actually be like to live as a starving artist. Well after this next energy bill, I just might find out.....anyway. Who doesn't love waking up in the morning to a cold room, but having it be toasty warm under the covers? Where do I sign up?

Finally, fall activities. I played football last week and it wasn't by accident. I found some boys from a frat and they asked if I would play. It was early and I was hungry, so in my dazed confusion, I said yes. It was tackle football. I think my hip is broken. Small price to pay....well I guess I won't be doing A Chorus Line anytime soon. It was fun though. I'm trying to think of fall activities and I'm coming up with nothing. My humble opinion is that any activity that is performed in the fall is automatically better because of it being fall. Right? Going on walks? Better in the fall because of the leaves. Cooking? Better in the fall because there are fall-inspired ingredients and recipes. Going out on the town? Better in the fall because of the plethora of fall clothing options.

Well, I guess I've sacrificed fall for the next two years in order to get this silly piece of paper from ASU. But then its straight back to the Twin Cities to enjoy autumn.....and the other seasons as well, for in the other seasons, I anticipate autumn. Until then, I will ponder about baking fall muffins and I will try not to burn down my house. Wish me luck.

A

Comfort

Comfort is an interesting thing. People seek it out at huge costs. It can come in an endless variety of forms and combinations. It can be scary and awful when we're not comfortable. So we do what we can to make things work.

As a hoarder of apparel, sweatpants, sweaters and fuzzy socks feel just right. As the victim of a food addiction, corndogs, pizza and macaroni fill me up just right. As a musician, a tuneful melody and a well-placed lyric ignites my passion. As a believer in ambiance, matching color palates, tasteful artwork and clean lines make my house a home. As a family boy, a dinner with the parents and sister makes me feel like a kid again. As a friend, laughter, banter and memories bring me back to Decorah. As the lover of a boy, a quiet glance, a hand in mine and a kiss goodnight keep me flustered for quite some time.

Well, my friends....

I don't know if you know this or not, but some of these things don't exist in my corner of the desert. So, like I said above, I'm trying to make do. My house is decked out with art and curtains and throw pillows to the point that you could very well think that Martha Stewart had gotten completely sloshed, had a severe lapse of judgement, and moved to Phoenix. Alas, she didn't. But I read her book and I like her taste.

My refrigerator and cupboards are filled with every kind of macaroni that is available at Target. Not kidding. There are 7 flavors. I had the Buffalo flavor tonight and it gave me heartburn. But it was worth it. OHHHH, was it worth it. The price I pay for eating the food I love is insane. After some meals, I have to curl up on my couch with Constantine and together, we weep about my burning esophagus. And I haven't even made a dent into the stash of pizzas I have in my freezer. Honestly, its overwhelming to the point that I'm quite positive that I could open a Pizza Hut.

My clothing options are limited in the desert and if I were to attempt to wear sweatpants and a sweater, I would surely die of heat exhaustion within the hour. So for now, tank tops and short-shorts will have to do. HOWEVER, I have a plethora of scarves hanging in my closet that are too ridiculously cute to not wear at some point. Dearest November and December -- GET HERE. Tenderly, Andy. Maybe the single most devastating (non-important) thing about Phoenix is the lack of fall. Fall is my very favorite time of year. It doesn't exist here. That means immediate dismissal from the list of places I would be willing to live in for longer than a year or two.

One amazing thing here in the desert is ASU itself. The musical theater/opera program here is wonderful. The professors are so knowledgeable and so encouraging, which now that I am writing it, sounds a bit generic, but I write it with genuine sincerity.

I miss my family. That's pretty basic though, so I don't think that needs any explanation.

As far as my friends go, I have about 9 of them now, which is 9 more than I had 3 weeks ago. I count this as a huge success because I clearly recall telling the Boy Person that if I came home for Christmas break having made 6 friends, I would be satisfied. Well I can tell you with a good amount of certainty, that these 9 people are nice humans who have welcomed me to their world in the sand and I am grateful for them.

In my first month here, I have discovered that this school of music is like any other school of music, and is populated with people that are obsessed (rightfully so) with their craft. They are only able to (or willing to) converse about the latest vocal pedagogy or the best audition songs or their immense knowledge of obscure Broadway shows or whatever other musical topics you can think of. I am so thankful for having learned in the last year that, for me, there is a lot more to life than technique and shop-talk. I want to live a life outside my profession and if that makes me less good at theater and music, so be it. I have an admiration for those that are so incredibly dedicated to their craft, but I do not envy their chosen path.

As far as my other friends go, there seems to have been an adopted pact that states that everyone must move as far away from each other as possible. My closest friends from college have spread out, not only across the country, but across the world. Its sometimes hard to imagine that just a short while ago, we were all sitting in the same small little room, eating spaghetti and drinking wine (they were drinking wine; I was drinking rum....keeping it classy) and laughing about being fake-bad....and now, we are out and about in a big way. The best part is, that if any of us were to have guessed then, where we'd be right now, our guesses wouldn't have even been close. However, I have the feeling that each of us is on the right path, in one way or another, and that is comforting.

The Boy Person. Oh, the Boy Person. The only goodbye that sucked more than when I had to say goodbye to him in Minneapolis, was the goodbye that occurred at the end of his visit here in Phoenix, 2 weeks ago. Someone once said something about how love hurts, and let me tell you, its true. I was at Barnes and Noble a few months ago, and in my desperation to adequately prepare for this whole moving-away thing, I flipped through the pages of the book "Long Distance Relationships for Dummies." Thank the Baby Jesus that I didn't buy it. It had all these rules and regulations and timelines and junk that probably would have given me an ulcer the size of Texas. Luckily, a wise friend who we shall call JogieBear, told me the only thing I need to remember how to do, is communicate openly and honestly about everything. This has never been a problem with the Boy Person and I, so we're doing our very best. I'm trying to appreciate the situation with its new parameters, and so far, the best thing I've come up with was best stated in a tweet: long distance relationships teach you that you will be grateful to spend every day together, someday. I can't wait for that day. But I'll have to, allegedly.

The most positive aspect of my time in the desert so far: I'm not dead yet.

I've survived heat, dehydration, a terrible diet, lack of familiarity, loneliness, acoustics, spiders, a scorpion, a non-Nordic choir, and a credit card that sometimes begs me to buy a 1-way ticket to home. But for better or for worse, this is home for now....and while there is an unforgivable amount of beige in this state, I won't be one to follow suit.

Be well,

A

Some things I've learned...

So I just finished my first full week of classes here in le desert and I think it's probably a good idea to take stock of the things I've learned, not just in the past week, but in the (exactly) two weeks since I left the Twin Cities.

In no particular order. Well, maybe chronologically, but not really.

First, driving across the country is a mostly horrifying experience. I'm sure most of the states we drove through have redeeming qualities, they just didn't reveal themselves to us at that particular time. Upside, it never felt so good to just be able to get up and walk after TWENTY-SIX HOURS.

Second, the act of moving to a new place may be one of the most traumatic things I've ever experienced. That might give you a clue to the fact that I haven't had very many devastating things happen in my life, but in all seriousness, moving is quite frightening. For a long time, the whole AZ seemed like a far-off plan, and then suddenly I was in a car with my sister and all my things and I was driving through the panhandle of Oklahoma. Needless to say, I was not mentally prepared to make this transition. The last year of my life has been blissful and I had no intention of halting that experience, but alas, I promised myself that I would follow through this time, so here we go.

Third, the act of moving is EXPENSIVE. Good God. Have you seen the gas prices? It's also not to my advantage that when I finished college, I discovered that many of the fancy decor that I had invested in over the last 4 years was either neon, stained with something (thankfully) unrecognizable, or advertising Budweiser. Needless to say, I'm not currently living in a frat house, so all that stuff needed to go. I mean, I could have easily survived with just the amenities of a table, bed, chair, etc……but what can I say? I need my place of residence to feel like it is mine. So that means curtains, lamps, dressers, wall art, candles. I can now recognize almost all the employees at the local Target by department. Someone should take away my credit cards. Seriously. Don't even get me started on how much internet costs. Ugh. Woof.

Fourth, I miss my support system. I'm not one to really take things for granted that often, but it's shocking to be in a huge metropolitan area, at one of the biggest universities in the country, to be surrounded by people, and still feel so incredibly alone. I liken it to anytime I'm in New York. So much hustle and bustle, but the amount of anonymity is overwhelming. I miss being able to come home and talk with my parents or harass my sister. I miss working every day with the colleagues that I have built relationships with over the past 15 months. I miss meeting up with my college friends around town to catch up on things and grab dinner and drinks. I miss ramming around the city, or even just hanging out with the boy person. To be honest, I miss people in general. This isn't like my undergrad experience where there were forced personal interactions for the freshmen. You know, the ones where they make you take a random number of sheets of toilet paper and then you have to say that many things about yourself to the group? Awful, I know. But alas, I could certainly use one of those activities right about now. The people here are certainly friendly, but it's definitely a challenge to be one of the only new students entering the program. Stay tuned on this one; I'm hoping it will remedy itself sooner rather than later.

Fifth, the thing where they say that small-college professors are so much more personable than big-university professors is completely untrue, at least from what I've experienced so far. The professors here at ASU are wonderful. Each one of them has shown an unsolicited personal investment in my well being, and that reminds me so much of why I had such a great undergrad experience. I'm so excited to learn from these new people, and so far, this program seems to be exactly what I need in order to take the next step, both personally and professionally.

Sixth, I am not outdoorsy. I can certainly do my fair share of playing when it's Minnesota or Iowa style outdoors, but Arizona outdoors is a whole other thang. There's literally a cactus in my front yard. I really want to touch it to see if it hurts as much as they say it does. Is that bad to do do do do do…..? YES. YES, IT IS. I had my second failed attempt at commuting out here earlier this week when I decided to purchase a bike. I figured that while the 3-mile trip to school is not suitable for walking, it would definitely be doable on a bike. Right? Right.

WRONG.

Well, it would have been fine, had both foot pedals fallen off about halfway to campus. The first one fell off, and I couldn't screw it back on, so I continued to pedal with just one foot, which is awkward enough without being in the middle of a busy road with mostly college students judging the crap out of you. (This is where the anonymity is to my benefit.) Then, without warning, the other pedal fell off. Awesome. Exasperated, I took shelter from the 114 degree heat (wish I was exaggerating) in the shade of a Taco Bell. No, I did not get a chicken gordita supreme, even though I could hear it taunting me through the drive-in window. I tried to fix the other pedal, but to no avail. Thus, I spent the next mile of my journey sitting on my bike and propelling it forward with my feet. I did this until I saw myself in the reflection of a store-front window and decided that if I was planning on making any friends during my time in Phoenix, I had better stop tooling around town on my broke-down bicycle and just walk it the rest of the way. And this incident was the second time that I was convinced I was going to die from heat exhaustion. True story. Wish it wasn't.

Seventh, I'm in the right career path. Every time I go to class to learn about acting or dancing or singing or history or acoustics or whatever it may be, I can't stop smiling like a giddy child. I'm so excited to be able to wake up every day and go learn about the things that I'm passionate about. This week, I've had the opportunity to perform and watch my colleagues do the same and I'm so grateful to be surrounded by individuals who care so deeply about their craft. One of my professors pulled me aside after class on Wednesday and told me that he could tell that I was a total musical theater nerd and how excited he was to work with me. Heartwarming. Because it's true.

I thought that I had grown up a lot in the year since graduating from Luther. Here, I'm finding that I have a whole different set of challenges to deal with. It's daunting, but it's comforting to know that there is already a light at the end of the tunnel. It's very small, but it's there.

"It may feel like quite a ride, but it's turning out to be life going just perfectly." Or something like that.

Best,

A

So I accidentally moved to the desert....oops.

Welp, after over a year of hemming and hawing and playing the piano, I finally bit the bullet and moved to the desert. Not that moving to the desert was the actual goal, but starting grad school was. Before I continue, I must apologize for not having posted anything in MONTHS. Sorry. I was busy living my life so I could have things to write about on here. It's cyclical, you see? Ta da.

Anywho. A lot has happened since we (myself and whoever you are) have corresponded. A whole entire summer has happened, in fact. I'll give you the sparknotes version to catch you up. I music directed the musical "Footloose" for a theater company in the Twin Cities and it was a total blast. The cast was obscenely talented and the rest of the production team was a dream to work with. My favorite of pretty much any show I'm involved with is watching the transformation from auditions to performance. To see the full arc of building a show is truly inspiring, especially when one appreciates the scope of putting up a theatrical event. SO MUCH has to happen to make everything work. Truly a collaborative experience. I'm also excited because I've been asked back to music direct "Cabaret" for the same company next summer! Its nice to know that I did my job well enough that they wanted me back again and its also a huge relief to know that I don't have to be looking for work as soon as I'm done with spring semester. When I wasn't in rehearsal or performances for Footloose, I was teaching. I logged about 450 hours of classroom and studio time and I found that it was a decent activity to fill up time. HA. Kidding. I don't think I often realize just how lucky I am, but I tried to take stock of that as often as I could this summer. It isn't often that a theater artist can make a living entirely from their art, but through a ton of luck and some help from my colleagues, I lined up enough gigs to both fill my time and earn enough dough to live on (which is saying a lot because I love to eat at nice restaurants and I can never have just one rum and coke).

Well, before I knew it, August rolled around and then it was suddenly time to go off to college. Again. I hadn't truly realized the severity of my decision until I got in my car and started driving across the country with my sister. Up until then, it was just a fancy plan in my head where I would bounce around in Phoenix for a while and maybe sing some stuff before promptly coming back to the life I know and love in the Twin Cities. You may be asking yourself whether or not I'm as ignorant of reality as it may seem, and I am here to tell you that yes, at times, I can successfully feign ignorance until it whirls around and whaps me in the face.

Thats what it did today. If you haven't come to this conclusion, I live in Arizona now and I just finished my second day in the Masters of Musical Theater program at Arizona State University. In about 21 months, I will be a master of musical theater. Whatever that may be….Anyway. If you have ever watched Sven Sundgaard on KARE11, or any other weather broadcast for that matter, you may have the common sense knowledge that Arizona is a desert. And deserts are mostly hot. So hot, in fact, that for the past week, the average high temperature has been 107 degrees. I know that people say "Oh, its a dry heat in Arizona, so it doesn't feel that bad" but I'm here to tell you that when you are sitting completely still but are still soaked with your own sweat, it doesn't feel like a pleasant dry heat.

Back to my point. There was a storm last night with wind and lightning and the whole bit, and this storm dropped the temperature to a chilly (note the sarcasm in my voice) 80 degrees. I was so delighted with my situation that I ventured out from my newly organized and cleaned studio apartment to the convenience store around the corner to purchase a Diet Coke. Perfect, right? I was so enamored with the low temperature that I decided that today (Friday) would be a lovely day to walk to campus for my classes and then walk home, thus being able to fully appreciate my new surroundings. So here I was, looking spiffy in a navy (never again) t-shirt, some cute white shorts and some canvas slip-ons. I was ready. My first event of the day was a hearing for the choral faculty at ASU. They wanted to hear me sing some shtuff and practice my solfege, which they now (I assume), regret. This hearing was at 9:50, so I decided I would have enough time to warm up when I got there if I started walking at about 8:20. The campus is about 2 miles from my house, and the music building is on the far side, so I would have to walk about 3 miles to get there. Totally doable. I figured if I walked at a brisk pace, it would take me about 40 minutes or so to get there. Welp, I quickly found out that it was back to the normal Arizona heat, so brisk wasn't an option unless I was in a car or wanted to pass out within minutes of departure. But that wasn't the killer. About a mile into this adventure, my feet started to really hurt. I looked down and quickly came to the conclusion that these canvas slip-ons might not have been the best choice for a 3 mile jaunt. (Keep in mind that I have to repeat this journey in order to get home.)

So about a mile and a half away from the School of Music, I stopped at a gas station to get some Band-Aids because I literally was hobbling along this main street like a baby deer who had just been born and then shot in one knee. It was awful. I put about four bandages on my right foot and five on my left. And that was BEFORE my dance class, but that's a whole different story. So I go through my day with my choral hearing, a really cool class on acting for musical theater singers that I think I'll love, and then a voice seminar for my voice teacher's studio. HOLY COW, the people here can SING. Its nice though, because at ASU, they don't crucify you for enjoying musical theater as opposed to opera, in fact, they encourage you to pursue your interests and areas of talent. Other unmentioned institutions of higher learning, take note.

Then, at about 1:30 it was time to walk home. UNTHINKABLE. I don't think I've ever felt nearer to death in my life. During the walk, I kept splashing myself in the face with my water bottle, but unfortunately I might as well have boiled the water before doing so because my trusty Nalgene could do nothing to keep out the scorching desert sun. It took me about an hour and 15 minutes to get home and the only thing I could do upon arrival was sprawl myself out on the cool tile and hope for a speedy death. Well, that didn't happen, so I made myself a turkey sandwich instead, which sufficed. I know now that I'm not allowed to spend extended periods of time ramming around outside in the desert during the summer. Common sense isn't really that common, ya know?

Tenderly (because my feet still really hurt),

Andy

Playing catch-up.....and piano.

Yeah, I know. I suck at updating this thing. For those that have the attention-span of goldfish and hamsters, here's the sparknotes version: I've spent the last couple months scraping ice off my car, searching clothing stores for the perfect skinny-tie, taste-testing various brands of corn dogs and frozen pizza so I can determine my favorites, pretending my teddy bear, Constantine, is real and having serious life conversations with him, and having a grand ole time driving back and forth across the Twin Cities yelling showtunes in my car.....which I'm pretty sure is a red flag for something, but I haven't figured it out yet...ha. Oh yeah, and I've been playing the piano. A lot. You could say I've been flirting with carpal tunnel except for the fact that I diligently do my hand and finger stretches every day. Nerdy enough for you? Don't make me mention my bunny-paws playing technique. That, my friends, is true dedication.

Anywho. I was initially planning on having about 6 weeks off from any shows after finishing Bare, Godspell and Millie and before starting Footloose. It was going to be a perfect time to relax and concentrate on enjoying the spring, teaching, coaching, playing auditions and traveling to catch up with friends. Well, spring didn't happen and neither did any of the other things. I agreed to music direct a 7 week workshop musical for a wonderful human that I really enjoy working with. Per usual, I may have bitten off more than I can chew. I've only done a handful of workshops in my day (wow that sounds like something an old person would write....excuse me as I remove my dentures) and all of them until now have placed me in the role of actor/singer. From that perspective, it is incredibly eye-opening. As an actor, working side by side with a creative team to develop a new work has got to be one of the most exhilarating types of collaboration. There isn't any cast album to listen to. There aren't YouTube videos to mimic. There is just text and music on a page. For all intensive purposes, a blank canvas. As the music director, I am given a much heavier creative hand in the outcome than I'm used to as an actor, and I'm still figuring out how to best work that influence. Luckily, we have a great cast and a wonderful production team working on it, so I'm excited to see where it lands in the next two weeks before opening. Ugh. Two weeks. I should practice or something.

In my downtime from working, I have been enjoying frequent trips to the theater to see wonderful shows, outside walks to parks and throughout downtown, a sampling of the more delicious breakfast offerings on Saturday mornings, and a feeling of being mostly flustered, most of the time. For the first time in a really long time, I'm off the market....and I couldn't be happier. Or more surprised. I wasn't looking for a boyperson. I didn't really want a boyperson. I had my friends and my work and that was enough. But here I sit, doing the "first thing I think about when I wake up and last thing I think about before I fall asleep" gig. The weirdest part, is that I always had very cynical view of the people that claimed those feelings. Now I'm basically an admin of their facebook group. And I'm okay with that.

Well, I have a loooong day ahead of me tomorrow that includes playing mass at church followed by no less than 8ish hours of callbacks for Footloose. Exhilarating but exhausting. I feel like I'm missing so many important pieces right now, but I need to hit the sack if I'm going to be able to read music tomorrow, so I'm signing off.

In honor of all those graduating right about now (and because it's a current theme in my life), here's a quote:

"It feels like some kind of ride but it's turning out to be life going absolutely perfectly."

-Brian Andreas, Story People (buy his stuff. its good.)

Best,

A

The good, the bad and the ugly.

Theater is a beautiful thing. It can help people. It can teach people. It can change people; for good and for bad. I do theater because I believe in it. I believe in its transformative qualities. I believe in the process. I believe in the importance of collaborative creation. I don't do it because its glamorous or because it will make me rich, because it isn't and it won't. I love working with other creative beings. In the past year, I have met some of the most brilliant, passionate, COMpassionate, talented and kind people I've ever come across. True artists, and at the same time, truly lovely humans. They have helped me find my footing in a competitive world and have improved my quality of life just by being themselves. I am grateful. I don't tell them enough. Today, I will start. Unfortunately, this realization comes from experiencing the opposite extreme.

Today, I saw the opposite of what makes theater beautiful. Today, was the first day EVER that I hated my job. Today, I saw someone who has done much good in their life turn and let everything ugly about this art form take hold in a tyrannical fit. It was as offensive as it was fascinating. I am a notoriously high-strung person. But I am consistently ONLY high strung. I don't flip out. I don't get to that point. Ever. Today brought me pretty close. My professional integrity was brought into question along with my education, my commitment to my work and my competency. What gets me is that I have bent over backwards for this specific project. I have rearranged my life to fit this in. In the end, I was left speechless and confused and wondering what to do.

So I went to people much wiser than I, and received some of the best insight I've ever gotten: The ego is a powerful thing in the theater. It can help create electrifying moments in performance. It can promote a tireless work ethic. It can strike both admiration and fear in the hearts of those that encounter it. But there is also a very dark side to the ego. It can create doubt and fear and anger in people - even people that originally meant to do good. The same elements that create excellence are the ones that spawn arrogance and destroy creativity.

I can't attest to the intentions of this individual. But I can say that I've learned from this experience. I have seen exactly what I don't want to be, both personally and professionally. I have seen the ugliest of what theater creates. I thought my day was completely ruined.

And then I went to my performance of Bare. And all things beautiful were re-validated. I was surrounded by supportive, creative, and caring people. People that have worked together to achieve a common goal. This is what good theater is about. And this is what I will continue to strive for. No matter the obstacles. I will strive to do good.

These are the things I've learned today. I've always prided myself in my desire to learn something new everyday, and today, it became painfully clear that some lessons are harder to take than others. Sometimes, a job has to be just a job. And sometimes you just have to sit and play the piano for the paycheck. Awful, and disgusting, but its a part of life. Let the people you care about know that you care about them. Have integrity. Stand up for what you believe in; even if it is difficult and scary. And at the end of the day, remember that tomorrow is brand new.

Off to bed. Never, ever beige.

Hand-hugs and three squeezes.

A

Everything

Yes, yes, I know it has been forever since my last post, but this is the first time I've been able to come up for a breath in quite some time. Update: things are crazy.

Bare opened this past weekend and it has seriously turned into a really beautiful show. The cast has been a dream to work with and since it has been so long since I've been onstage, this experience has reminded me why I started doing theater in the first place. I'm currently on a three day break from that, but these three days have been dedicated to getting Godspell and Millie on their feet. Millie opens in ten days and Godspell in two and a half weeks. Both are in decent shape, but both also have a long way to go before they are ready for an audience.

One upside to both shows is the age of the cast. I never realized how much I enjoy working with high school age actors. They have this energy about them that really inspires me every time we rehearse. They are like sponges. They are so willing to learn and try new things....I love it. I hope that I can continue learning and growing as well. I was worried that since I have stepped away from "formal education" for a year, that I would find myself hitting a plateau in my quest of learning new things, but I've actually found it to be just the opposite. College protected me from a lot of things that I am now having to deal with every day....both professionally and personally. Now that I've been working for almost a year, I've come up against some pretty difficult challenges, some of which are still present, but I'm really beginning to realize that if I don't do something about them myself, no one will.

As some of you know, I'd been looking at relocation for the summer....either to Arizona, Colorado, New York or London. Well, I have pushed that off a few more months and have decided to stay in the cities. There are some really fantastic opportunities in the coming months and I couldn't be more excited. The big one this summer will be Footloose. This was one of the first shows I did onstage, and so I'm very excited to revisit it as a music director. I'll also be music advising/directing for a workshop of a new musical and the new stuff is always exciting!

As far as the fall goes, who knows? I sure don't. Still waiting on some phone calls, but I won't be holding my breath. Perhaps by next week I'll know something. This entry has been SO random and jumbled. Hopefully I'll get my act together and be able to write something cohesive and coherent by the end of the week. I have a long of things I want to share!

One thing I learned this week: Life gets better if you remember to smile. =]

No beige,
A

Today's example of why I can't be left by myself for too long.

So since I don't ever work in the mornings (PUHLEASE - I'm an artiste (HA)), I was given the task of shoveling the driveway for the third time in 20 hours. Because I live in the Twin Cities. Where we get 60 inches of snow by the beginning BEGINNING of February. Disgusting. I'm over you, Winter. Go away.

Anywho. I was very pleased with myself because I not only shoveled the driveway, but I also chipped off those stupid snow-tire-tracks that happen when you drive over the freshly fallen stuff. You know? The ones that turn to ice and make shoveling 17 times harder? Yes, those. So I was finally done and I trudged inside to the laundry room where I took off my snow gear (including my onesie snow suit, which is awesome). And I am rounding the corner to go into the kitchen when I hear what sounds like a medium-sized crash bang boom. Oh shit, I think. Some hoodlum has sneaked into the house while I was out playing in the snow and now I'm going to be assaulted. Great. Happy Tuesday! So I tentatively say "hello?"....as if the burglar is going to recognize my friendliness and decide to not burgle me. No response. I go to the front hall where I left my phone on the table, grab it, and go towards the basement where I thought the sound came from.

Halfway down the stairs, I hear the sound again. Only this time, it is much louder and much closer....because it is coming from my pocket and it is accompanied by a little 3-second vibration. I squeal out of fright and promptly fall all the way down the stairs. Sporty, I know.

Oh! THAT is what my new phone sounds like when it gets a text message. GAH.

I just got a new phone and was unaware that my text-message-ring-tone was apparently the sound of someone's house being broken into. Interesting. I'll have to change that later. Its official. I'm a total spaz.

Now on to some voice coachings, my second day of Millie auditions and Bare rehearsal. Come on, Bruised Ego, its time to go to work. Here's to hoping that your Tuesday (and the rest of your life) is more graceful than mine. =]

A

Certifiable

Certifiable. That is how I would classify myself in my current condition. All the way crazy, as some of my friends might say. I'm pretty sure that it will all turn out fine, as it usually does, but the thing is....I told myself that I would never let this happen again.....after last spring.

Between now and the next ten days, I will have started rehearsals for three musicals. Thoroughly Modern Millie, Godspell and Bare. TMM and Godspell are shows that I'm music directing and I'm onstage for Bare, which is a rare treat for me, as of late. Last spring, I promised myself that I would never do more than two shows at once. That was a result of putting up Light in the Piazza, Edges, Figaro and my senior recital all within seven weeks of each other. Insanity. I still haven't fully recovered emotionally.

And do you want to know the sickest part of all?

I like it. No. I love it. I love being able to create on a daily basis. I love the type of humans that my work allows me to encounter. For example, today I had my first music rehearsal for Bare and it was wonderful. One of the things I missed most about college was the quality of music-making and today's rehearsal certainly reminded me of that. While I am super shy by nature, and it will probably take me a while to get into the groove of things, I get so energized by working with and watching these new colleagues. And holy jeeeeez! They are talented! The first time we sang the opening sequence, full out, was chilling....in a good way! I'm excited to see where this show goes. At this point, it has potential to be spectacular! Keeping my fingers crossed! And practicing my rapping.

Millie and Godspell are getting underway shortly and both promise to be really rewarding productions for different reasons. I will keep you updated on both of those. In addition to all that, I will be traveling across the country to do my final grad school auditions within the next few weeks. NERVOUS. However, it is nice to know that I have a few options. Even within the grad school route....do I go for MT performance? Music Direction? Vocal Ped? Who knows? I guess I'll go for whatever they let me....gah. Keeping my fingers crossed about that one too. I am also waiting to hear the results of my coaching student's college auditions, which actually makes me more nervous than waiting for my own. I currently am working with 14 high school kids who are auditioning at some pretty major schools and we are all waiting with bated breath for the results.

So thats pretty much it for now. Things will continue to snowball for the next couple months and I am currently considering my options for summer, which include staying in the Twin Cities, moving to Iowa, New York, Arizona, Indiana or the UK. I should probably narrow that down sometime soon. But again, its not up to me. Its where the work is. Which can be frustrating, but I'm trying really hard to see it as exciting. So far, I haven't had much luck. Ha.

So I will continue being crazy. Why, you ask? Because the things that make me crazy also remind me that I'm alive. And that's important too.

Find what makes you crazy. Its can be scary, but its worth it.

A

Last one to know. Not shocked. Well, a little.

Okay. I'm usually really on top of things. Like when it comes to my life plans, I am thinking years ahead. I literally spend 80% of my day pursuing these life plans, in one way or another. And I am constantly evaluating myself and these goals. And this is why it came as a shock to me when I realized that I am not a singer actor. I am a music director. An MD, if you will.

Hold on. I just fell off my chair. Give me a second to recover semi-gracefully.

Holy lord. Why didn't anyone tell me this before? Hmmmm???

Oh wait. A ton of people did. I guess the question is why didn't I listen to them? I have no idea. I'm not usually incredibly stubborn. I mean, I am fairly opinionated, but I always put forth a conscious effort to hear out the things that other people tell me. And when I receive advice from people that I respect, I always pay special attention. I think this is why I am so shocked to have made this realization.

Acting has never been my strong suit. I can nail a song to the wall, but put me in a scene with lines, and you might as well have handed the script to an illiterate horse and then shot it. That made no sense, but its what popped into my head. Eh. Anyway. I've worked at it. I read plays. Out loud. Like a crazy person. Or a third-grader. I videotape myself reading said plays and then play them back as I critique. When I watch TV, I analyze the speech patterns. The vocal inflection. The technique. However, I haven't had the opportunity to really put this homework into practice as of late because I am constantly working as a music director. If I could have just seen the obvious before today, I might not have eaten like nine pieces of pizza this afternoon while I examined the shattered pieces of my misconceived existence. Ha. Kidding. But not about the pizza. It was good.

I should have realized when people started referring me as a musical director. I mean, my first four gigs out of college were either at the keyboards or with a baton in my hand. Its not often that everyone around me realizes something about me before I do. This might be a first. But the best part is, I couldn't be more excited about it.

I absolutely am loving what I do. There are often days where I feel like I am far too exhausted to work on anything, but as soon as I am in the rehearsal studio or onstage or in the pit, I am filled with this insatiable urge to create. I never leave a rehearsal feeling down; even if it was a difficult one. I love the opportunities to work with both actors and musicians. Both groups are very different and it takes some adjustment, but both groups have an energy that is infectious and positive. And I think the biggest thing that I've discovered about myself is that I really enjoy helping people in the discovery process. I love finding the perfect song for my students. You know? That one song that they can connect to in a way that makes it seem like it was written for them. The one song that, when they sing it, it is as if they are working right out of their stream of consciousness. The one song that brings the listener to the edge of their seat because the singer is truly communicating. They are making believe. Makers of belief.

Ugh. Sappy. I know. But I love sappy. I mean, after all, we're talking about musical theater here.

So where do I go from here? I have an acting gig coming up this spring. It is a role in the pop opera BARE with the Minneapolis Musical Theater Company. And if things go as planned, it might be my last time on stage as an actor. I am fully pursuing any and all MD gigs that come my way. In fact, for my grad school choices, (all of which were musical theater performance degrees before about two weeks ago) I have recently applied to two new programs, both of which offer degrees in Music Directing for the Musical Theater.

I feel good about this. I feel comfortable. I have a knowledge of my current skill set and I can now clearly see that I don't belong on the stage - at least during performances. I am beyond excited about what adventures this new goal might present, and I will do my best to keep all of you up-to-date!

Whirlwind. I like it. Now off to get my laundry out of the dryer. Glamorous, I know.

A

Unsettled (Unsettleable)

I have an extensive history of not being able to really settle down, no matter where I am in my life. I am always looking ahead. Looking for the next show. The next project. The next school. Whatever.

But the problem is that I tend to make very elaborate and detailed plans and then at the very last minute, change them to something completely out-of-character and unpredictable. That's my M.O. Always has been, and probably always will be.

For example, when I was 18, I was all the way ready to move permanently from the Twin Cities to New York. This would have been the next logical step in my career, as this is where musical theater happens. I would either work (not likely) or go to school at one of the various universities that offers a degree in MT. This is what everyone expected me to do....including myself.

And then what happened, you ask? I'll tell you.

I moved into a cornfield in Iowa (where musical theater is literally outlawed) and got a liberal arts degree with an emphasis in opera performance. I didn't even like opera. Still don't.

Why did I make this move, you ask? I have no idea.

Another example. So last April, I was busy preparing to graduate from said college-in-the-corn and I had just received my acceptance letter from the Steinhardt School at NYU for their MM in Musical Theater Program. So here I was, once again ready to move to the Big Apple.

And what do you suppose I did next? I decided to turn down NYU and try working professionally in the Twin Cities.

What the hell?!?! I mean, why am I so apparently afraid of New York? I'll tell you why. Because its scary. There are a million people there who look just like me, have my same skill sets and have the exact same career goals. And I don't know if you know this or not, but there are only like four jobs in New York. Okay, well there's more than four. There's like seven. But do you see why I hesitate?

So here I am, day after Christmas, 2010. I have been working consistently as a music director, vocal coach and singing actor in the Twin Cities for the past seven months and I have work booked out solid for the next five months at least. I also have a plan. Big plans, in fact, to attend Arizona State University for their MM in Musical Theater Program in the fall of 2011. I know how amazing and warm the climate is. I have picked the professor I want to study voice with. I know the apartment complex I want to live in (it has an AMAZING pool and is right across the street from campus).......

And I'm right on par for the course because where do you suppose I'm probably going next?

(If you just thought New York, you need to go back and read the paragraph about the abundance of jobs there.)

The United Kingdom.

Holy hell, someone rein me in.

Well, I know one thing for sure; my life won't be beige anytime soon.

Now, where is my ulcer medication?



A

So much for the In-Between.....Good lord.

Tonight marks the end of my first week of the In-Between and it has been and EPIC FAILURE. I was planning on doing a whole plethora of relaxing, lazy things and so far, all I've done is non-relaxing, work-related things. Granted, I love my job and the work that I get to do, but I cannot seem to catch a break! This weekend alone has been a bit of a whirlwind. I got sick last Monday (my first day off, of course) and didn't feel better until Thursday, just in time to get sucked into about a million projects.

My weekend consisted of two readings of new musicals, helping choose some high school actors to advance in a scholarship competition and trying to get my students into college.

Okay. On paper, this doesn't seem nearly as daunting as it felt. Maybe it was the cough syrup. Whoops. Don't tell.

The first reading was a really fantastic experience. It was a brand-new rock musical with some really fantastic material for seven actors. The content itself is mostly polished and this reading was more or less a final opportunity for the creative team to hear their work sung by actors before they stage a full workshop. The best part of this one for me was singing with the combo that they hired. It was a piano, drums, bass and guitar. Doesn't get better than that. I'm hopeful that they'll keep me around and ask me back to work on the next step, but only time will tell!

The other reading I did was a very new experience for me and I learned a lot about my strengths, weaknesses, theater education and preferences for the artistic process. The musical itself was incredibly fascinating. The plot centers around a Catholic priest and his return to a small Irish village during the Irish Potato Famine at the end of the 1800's. The reading itself went smoothly and the people involved all brought very unique interpretations to the table. The characters were intricate and the story itself is compelling. This is where my personal preferences for American Musical Theater began running through my head. After the reading was done, the moderator (and I think future director) of the reading told us that the creators were going to listen while the participating readers discussed what they thought were the strengths and weaknesses were in the plot and characters.

I've never had to really think about what I look for when I define good musical theater, but through the discussion that night, I very quickly learned that I value these things:

I want the show to be "somebody's story." To me, this means that the plot includes a defining moment for a main character that is compelling enough that I care about them and want to see their problems resolved.

The relationship between the audience and the plot should be clearly defined and decided from the very start of the show. Does the audience act as a fly on the wall? Is the audience encouraged to have a personal stake in the show? Is the show trying to convince? Inform? The choice needs to be clear and consistent.

The relationships and characters, while they can be complex, should be classifiable by classic, umbrella terms. The protagonist. The antagonist. The comedic relief. The basic relationship between good and evil. The parental relationship. The fraternal relationship. The relationship between the characters and a higher power. The relationships between the main protagonist and EVERYONE.

The characters HAVE to have a reason to sing. Musicals suspend reality enough to allow characters to break into scenes in which all the characters know the same melodies, lyrics and choreography, but I truly stand by the rule that the only reason a character should sing is if words alone can no longer suffice and in order to communicate, they need to do so through song. Going hand in hand with this is the need for EVERY song to move the story forward. The show cannot be in the same place at the end of a song, that it was at the beginning. It has to have a purpose. I am strongly against the concept that songs can just be thrown into a show on a whim. There needs to be a reason.

Modern musicals are (and should be!) sophisticated enough that they can "show" and not "tell". I can't stand a preponderance of exposition in character dialogue. I am SUCH a supporter of character driven work, and if the story calls for a lot of explanation at the top of the show, figure out a way to deliver it in a clean and attention-grabbing package a la Les Miserables. Did you know that the current format of the show includes a fairly lengthy prologue to set up the story of Jean Valjean that didn't originally exist because all the people of France are familiar with the story and the people of New York are not? That's right. Its so well done that most people can't imagine the show without the first 20 minutes.

Pacing. I don't want to fall asleep. 'Nuff said.

Okay. The most important thing I learned about myself is that I do a very poor job of intellectualizing plot and character choices. I think this comes from my training. I have always been told that it is not my job to mull over why specific choices were made by the creators. I have been trained as an interpreter. An interpreter of dialogue, music, movement and storytelling. I was rendered almost useless in the position of creator. In that capacity, I have no idea where to start. I am so used to looking at a show and deciding how to tailor it so it reads. I have never been asked to overhaul a show like we had been discussing. I was left to watch. And I was fine with that. Luckily, a lot of the other members of the reading were "go-getters" and had some strong opinions about how the next step of the show should be shaped.

This was my first taste of this specific type of workshop/reading. And I appreciate it because I now understand my specific place in the life cycle of a show. I belong in the later parts. The inception and initial development can be left to people that have a taste for those things. I love being able to breathe life into characters and songs and scenes. I love the organic nature of working with people in a space. I love watching the libretto come to life with characters that can alter their choices within the context of their scene. I love the building of a final product. This is where I belong and I'm more than okay with that.

Wow. Apparently I have a lot of opinions. I know that some of you might think that this is a negative quality, but I realize that this is what shapes me as an artist. My opinions shape my choices, and for better or for worse, I have to live with them....until the next show comes along.

Mull over THAT. =]

A

Countdown!

Okay. This year has been an incredible one and I have taken the time to recount what I think are the top ten moments of 2010. They range from fun to meaningful to defining and everything in between. Enjoy!

10. The Deadliest Catch! This might have been the single sweetest moment of this year. I was in Seattle with the Luther College Nordic Choir on our West Coast Tour and this was our first stop on tour after leaving Minneapolis. After our concert, my quadmates Ari, Matt, Ben and I were picked up by our host family. They drove us out to the scariest, most deserted area of Seattle (I'm totally making that up because I don't know Seattle that well beyond what they show on Grey's Anatomy) and asked us if any of us got seasick. At this point, I had my cell phone out and was about to text our tour manager to say that I was pretty sure we were about to be sold into human trafficking. Then we pulled up to a giant crab fishing boat called the North American and proceeded to meet the crew that has been featured on the TV series Deadliest Catch. They made us clam fettuccine and left us BY OURSELVES on the boat overnight. Best homestay ever. EVER.

9. Re-introduction to the business with Chanhassen Dinner Theatres. In May (still going to school in Iowa) I woke up at 4:00am to drive up to the cities to audition for Chan. And then I did it again the next week for the call back. My sleep schedule still hasn't recovered. It was one of the most humbling experiences in my career. I had the honor of auditioning alongside some of the most talented people I have ever seen....and the best part is that I grew up watching them on stage since I was very young. After having walked away from consistent performing for almost 4 years, it was so invigorating to see the first-rate talent alive and well in Minneapolis! So proud to be a part of this community!

8. Michigan. 'Nuff said. Not is it one of the most beautiful places I've ever been, but this summer. I got to spend time there with two of my favorite people, Ben and Laura. Not only was the time we spent together wonderful, but it was my first experience trying out my "school relationships" post-graduation. It was fantastic because with both of these people, every time we reconnect, we are able to pick up as if nothing has changed. Granted, the circumstances are very different now that we don't live within five minutes of each other anymore and we don't spend countless hours together each day, but its comforting to know that these relationships that were built over four years were not left behind in Decorah, IA.

7. I guess I should put graduating from college on here.....even though it really wasn't that big of an event for me. I remember it being very hot and very sweaty and being a little panicked because I hadn't finished packing my room yet. Oops. If anything, it was more a place mark for a new chapter in everyone's life. We were all going out into the world to do very different things in very different places after having spent four remarkable years in a very special place. But it was bigger than just me. It was a collective accomplishment for everyone that had helped guide me and protect me along the way. And for that, I am truly grateful.

6. Last Nordic concert with DCA. This could very easily have been nicknamed "Weepfest Twenty-Ten," but through some miracle, we pulled through in a big way. This last concert of the year is usually one that is especially heartfelt because of the graduating seniors, but it was compounded because our conductor, Dr. Craig Arnold, was leaving his position at Luther to resume his work in New York. This was nothing less than devastating for many that knew him because he is not only a brilliantly talented musician and conductor and an immeasurable asset to the school, but more importantly, a stand-up human who taught his students to live their lives with compassion for those around them. So this concert was also honoring him as well, and we chose to sing some of his trademark pieces from the last 5 years. I don't think I've ever felt so connected to a group of people, and I don't see a comparable opportunity anywhere in the near future. I am forever changed because of him and this experience. No beige.

5. San Diego. Weirdly, the most perfect day ever. On tour with amazing people. An afternoon at one of the most amazing zoos in the world. Swimming in the Pacific Ocean at La Jolla beach. A great catered dinner. An epic sunset. An amazing hotel. Drinks with best friends. Couldn't have been more perfect.

4. Senior Recital. I broke down barriers.....and probably some of the voice faculty's eardrums/hearts/spirits. THAT, my friends is the power of musical theater! Ha. Anywho, because Luther is a school that "values the aesthetic values of classical, Bel Canto singing," musical theater is outlawed in our senior recital performance space. I did it anyway. The first half an hour was R.V. Williams' Songs of Travel and the second half was a collection of some of my favorite new theater pieces, accompanied by the incomparable, Laura and a group of some fantastic and brave friends. I'm sure I offended some people (the purists), but they also got to see me do something that I was truly, TRULY passionate about. It is one thing to be a technically proficient musician. It is quite another to attempt to breathe life into a performance. That was my goal. And I probably owe my voice teacher a lot of money for the therapy he needed after dealing with the backlash that I assume ensued....and for that I am almost sorry.

3. Here's to high school, how it flies. Oh, Zombie Prom, how I thought I would loathe you. This MD gig was my first real job after college. I know I've written entire posts about this before, so I'll keep it brief, but these kids are the real deal. I learned much more from them than they could ever learn from me and it will take some doing for me to forget those 4 months. ALSO! I am super pumped to go back and work there this spring! A true blessing to know these individuals.

2. Arizona. Good lord. Spring break 2010 was my first official vacation in a very long time and I am so glad I could do it with such amazing friends! Clara, Ben, Julia and Joe made this trip something that was not only bearable, but an experience that was a great cap to my college career. It was like days and days of driving, but some fantastic memories were made and I survived sleeping in a tent for like a week. And if you know me, you know that doing THAT is a feat in itself. Gah. So fun!

1. Because really what's the point if you're just coasting on the surface? EDGES 2010. Very obviously a defining moment for me as a performer, teacher, director, and most importantly, as a friend and a person. This kind of goes hand in hand with my senior recital. My senior thesis was about the ever-changing pedagogy of musical theater and part of my plan was to put on a show to demonstrate my findings. The result was one of the most beautiful and rewarding collaborations I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. I truly believe in the effect of the arts on humanity and because of that, this might have been my proudest moment at Luther. To Carah, Laura, Alex, Matt, Joe, Kara and Ben: I am forever indebted to you for your contributions to this project and your willingness to join hands with me and venture into unknown territory. Because, "if you take a moment you'll begin to find and say and feel. You can discover something real if you are willing to reflect." A quote that will forever play a role in how I choose to move forward in my life.


So there you have it. A year full of many blessings, happy memories, life milestones and valuable lessons. The one thing that I find consistently in each event is the people. My people. These people are what makes these events special. Without them, I would be, well....not me. So I am more than excited to start 2011 with these comrades. Lets make this next one even better!

Love and gratitude,
A

The In-Between

I will never have kids. Unless some horrible, unseen, atrocious act of Lucifer occurs, my womb will remain barren. And by my womb, I mean the tiny one (maybe two) room apartment that I am destined to have for the rest of my life. I know that some of you are gasping in horror, because your children are the apple of your eye and you couldn't imagine your life without those little bundles of....umm....joy. And that is why God gave each of us our own free will.

Oh, what is that you ask? Have you been working with children lately, and that is why you have this abundance of hatred for them? Yes.

Okay. I don't hate kids. I just don't want to have anything to do with them. Or maybe I'm just scared of a challenge. I'm not sure yet. For now, I'll just think that children and I are like beer and hard liquor - the common denominator being that terrible consequences ensue. I've come to the conclusion that I blame my track record. I have consistently had the blessing of working with immensely talented people who can, well, do things that require talent and training. Now I am faced with a gaggle of six-year-olds that can't read. WHAT, I ask you, am I supposed to do with that? I mean, those Zombie Prom kids were not only (for the most part) all triple threats, but they were (for the most part) legitimately cool cats too. And the ones that weren't were nerdy, but the kind of nerdy that is useful and actually takes you far in life. I like that kind of nerdy. Here is an example of my plight:

*A scene from one of my rehearsals two weeks ago....
Andy: No, no, no. You have to wait another measure and a half before you come in.
Six-year-olds: (blank stares)
Andy: You know, like six quarter notes. Beats. Six beats. Alright. Lets clap it out.
Six-year-olds: (a few yawns and general chattiness)
Andy: Okay fine. Just wait longer before you come in.
Six-year-olds: (blank stares, yawns, chattiness and one of them is picking their nose.)

Okay. I am not an elementary teacher. Nor would I ever strive to be, and as stuck up and snobbish as it sounds, six-year-olds are not talented enough to be in theater. (gasps, I'm sure). And that's not the only problem. They have NO attention span. My sister's beta fish, Rafael can have more engaged interactions with me than some of these munchkins.

Alright, that was a very broad overstatement. There are a select few six-year-olds that could school me in theater, but they are few and far between. And I usually cross to the other side of the street when I see them coming in order to avoid a diva smackdown. But I digress. This will be the LAST children's theater show I do......until I forget why I made that rule....and then I'll do another one and be quickly reminded of the reasons for my decree.

Updates. Had a big audition today with a regional company that most people would give their left nut to work for (myself included). Unfortunately, they didn't think it was amusing when I offered up that suggestion. Apparently they're only interested in talent. Whatever. I got a e-call for this G&S operetta that they are putting up next year and I promptly dropped the notice into my e-trash. After about 4 seconds of re-contemplating this choice, I retrieved the said e-call and put it on my calendar.

The reason: I don't do opera. Why would the want me to come sing for an opera? They KNOW I don't do opera. I've had lengthy conversations with the powers that be at this company as to "why I am throwing away my classical vocal education to pursue the lesser art of musical theatahh". As if I haven't had to argue THAT one before. Fine. Whatever. I looked through my books and cursed myself for having torched all of my "Arias for ______" books in a blind rage during my junior year of college. Kidding. They're useless to me anyway. Oh well. I picked "On the Street Where You Live" from My Fair Lady for the audition. I figured it wasn't Rent, so I could probably get away with it.

Fast forward to the audition today. I'm sitting in an immense rehearsal studio with forty other guys all carrying the "Arias for_______" books. And doing their little scales and arpeggios. At least this wasn't a dance audition. Then I would look REALLY dumb. So I sat in one of the corners and began to read my book. During this time, I overheard people saying that they would be singing arias that ranged from the traditional G&S stuff all the way up to one guy who was going to sing Nessun Dorma from Turandot. He might as well have done an angry line reading...its probably just as effective.

So everyone has filled out their forms and settled in to wait for the auditions to start when the musical director walks in.

On a side note, I am maybe a little obsessed with this music director they have. He is literally a genius, and I do not throw that term around lightly. He can play ANYTHING you put in front of him and is a musical theater coach to everybody who is anybody in the Twin Cities. I'm not sure whether I want to be able to work with him or I want to be him. I just have a lot of feelings about him and I am not ashamed to say that I actively stalk him. I mean, not in the creepy, I'm-going-to-kidnap-him-and-eat-his-liver-with-some-fava-beans-and-a-nice-chiante kind of way, but in the I-just-really-admire-your-career kind of way. Did I mention that he has music directed in New York? On Broadway?

Sorry. Rambling. So he walks in and announces that they will not be approaching the music in the traditional, classical way, but in a way that "appeals to an audience in 2011." In other words, they wanted a pop/rock influenced audition.

THIS is why they sent me this call! I watched the color drain from the face of the Turandot guy. Clearly you can't turn Puccini into Jonathan Larson. I don't care who you are. Unfortunately, "On the Street Where You Live" isn't exactly what they were looking for either. Eh. I sang it anyway. I just channeled a little of Jon Groff and Matt Doyle. It was fine. I acted the crap out of it and then I drove an hour through rush hour for the final dress rehearsal of the Grinch.

And thus, as of ten days from now, I will be in "the in-between". A time between theater jobs. While normally I would dread this, it will come at a perfect time. My sister comes home from the Dominican Republic in two weeks and the holidays are just around the corner, so a little down time with some lessons here and there will be a fantastic way to spend a few weeks. I know I must enjoy it now because I am already triple booked in the spring and I couldn't be more excited for it. But until then, its Christmas carols and catching up on Glee. Not too shabby. Not to shabby at all.

And this entry is a perfect example of the fact that I have never actually learned to write a cohesive anything. If you have muddled your way through this and have reached this sentence, congrats. You are a champ in my eyes.

Onward and.....well, onward. And no beige.

A

Diet Coke to the rescue! No, seriously.

It's officially winter in Minneapolis. No, not the Christmassy, fluffy snow, joyful, deck the hall type of winter. Its the bitter cold, ruin your day, kill you if you get stuck outside kind of winter. I'm not complaining. I've lived in cold-ish places my whole life, so I'm used to doing the whole permanent sweater/scarf/mittens look. In fact, I enjoy the fact that I have so many accessory options to choose from when dressing myself each day. I've never really had a bad or even sketchy run-in with the weather until this weekend. And once again, my addiction to diet coke saved my life...well, kinda.

The day (Saturday) started off great. Okay. That's not entirely true. I had to get up at 7:30 (which is an hour that doesn't exist in my life) in order to drive with Ben, Ryan and Rachel to St. Paul to watch the Metropolitan Opera auditions. It was awesome, as always. I've always thought that their whole process is just fascinating and I am so glad that they have the experience open to the public. I've gone every year for the past five or so and it is always fantastic. This year was especially cool. First, because I was with some of my favorite people and second because I haven't had (the opportunity) to sit through hours of arias in a few months and hearing that type of music again was surprisingly lovely. We stayed for the first eight singers or so and then decided we'd had enough and went to get some lunch. Eating with these people is always an experience and we had a great time. After parting ways, I took a nap and then joined Ben and Clara to see Harry Potter (for the third time....whoops). It seemed like the day was winding to a close until we walked outside the movie theater into the freezing rain.

EFF.

It was awful. The perfect combination of rain, sleet and a temperature that hovered right around thirty degrees. I drove Ben and Clara back to Ben's place where I planned on staying the night. We got settled in, but try as I might, I could not get to sleep. I tossed and turned for an hour or so and then after looking out the window and seeing that the rain had stopped, I decided it would not be that difficult for me to drive home. I mean, it was only about eight miles. What could go wrong?

I walked outside into the frigid air and slid across the street to my car. It was parked on a bit of an incline, facing up the hill. After a few minutes of letting the engine warm up, I tried pulling out. With the tires whirring beneath me, the car started sliding backward. I threw the car back into park. Crap. (That's not exactly what I said, but I'm trying to keep this blog rated PG) I spent the next forty minutes looking like a totally insane person in front of Ben's house. I scraped at the icy road with my window scraper, I threw snow and dirt under the tires to try and get traction, I tried to drive with two of my wheels on the curb. Nothing worked. Finally, I decided to back into the driveway and try my luck at going downhill (genius, I know). It worked. It was slippery as hell, but I pumped the brakes all the way through the neighborhood and eventually made it out on to Central Avenue. The road itself was fairly empty....if you don't count the dozens of cars parked on the side of the road with their emergency lights blinking. At this point, I admitted to myself that this was probably one of the stupidest things I'd ever done, but there was no way I could turn around and go back to Ben's. That would be admitting defeat. And I am and Minnesotan. I can handle a little ice. Puh-lease.

I went the two miles north on Central until I got to the on-ramp for 694 West. I was going around the curve to the right when I realized that there were about a dozen cars stopped at the top of the ramp. I quickly saw that most of them were spinning their wheels in an attempt to get to the top of the ramp and the highway, but were unable to due to the quarter inch of slick ice on the ground. I forged ahead. Halfway up the hill. Three fourths of the way. One hundred yards left! And then my car lost its grip on the road. It started sliding sideways and I quickly parked it with one of the back tires on the curb. I looked ahead to the cars in similar situations and saw a few guys getting out. I joined them and together we pushed six of the cars to the top of the ramp and they went on their merry way. During the half an hour that I was on the ramp, three cars exiting the freeway crashed into the ditch less than 30 yards from where my car was. No one was hurt, but the cars were clearly stranded.

Finally it was my turn. I returned to the drivers seat of my Toyota and pulled my Luther scarf tightly around my neck to fend off the frosty air and tried to pull back onto the ramp. Nothing. I got out and to my horror....well that sounds a little dramatic.....umm.....dismay, I saw that the misting rain had frozen around the base of my tires, creating little grooves that held the car in place. I thought I was screwed. I went to my trunk to see if I had anything useful. Nothing. About a dozen binders of musical theater. What am I going to do with those? Belt/mix the ice off the wheels? And then I saw it. A two-liter of Diet Coke. I reached for it and since it was right next to the heater, it was very warm. I gingerly walked to the front of my car, twisted off the cap and started to pour the coke around my tires. Slowly but surely, the ice melted away just enough for me to rock my car out of its icy grave and back onto the ramp.

After helping two other cars back down in reverse onto Central, I followed suit and tried to figure out my next move. I didn't know any other way to get home besides the highways. Then I glanced across the median and saw that the on-ramp to 694 for the southbound side of Central was not nearly as steep as the one I had just left. I pulled an illegal u-turn and finally made it onto the freeway. There were only a few cars in sight and they were all going about 12 mph. Then in my rearview mirror, I saw a car coming up behind me very quickly. It was in my lane and was going probably around 30mph. When it got close enough, its blinker turned on and it attempted to pass me on the right. As soon as the tires started to turn, it went completely sideways and began sliding and spinning towards my car. I was panicked, but didn't want to turn my car and risk meeting a similar fate. The car behind me spun within ten feet of the drivers side of my vehicle and smashed into the median. By that time, I had reached the exit for 252 north. I slowly slid down to the stoplight where I was joined by two cars; one on my right and one on the left. We waited for the light to turn green and when it did, the car on my left took off too fast and slid into the grassy ditch by the median. The car on my right started slowly, but as it was pulling into the middle of the intersection, a minivan that couldn't stop came from the right and t-boned it. I slowly maneuvered around the wrecks and continued until I got to 85th. I only had another mile to go, but it took me about 12 minutes to get home.

When I finally got to my house, I tried pulling into the driveway, but the ice was too thick. I grabbed some glasses from the kitchen and filled them with hot water. I splashed them down the driveway and it was just enough to get my car into the garage. I went immediately to bed, but still could feel the sensation of the car losing traction beneath me. In total, it took me 2 hours and 20 minutes to go 8 miles and after watching the news, there were a record number of accidents that night due to the ice.

I don't plan on defying nature again anytime soon, in case you're wondering. And yes, I do realize that I am a total idiot. But all's well that ends well, right? ;]

STAY WARM.

A

Here's to high school....how it flies!

Today...no, this past month has been a complete roller coaster for me. Between going back to Luther to visit and considering future career/education opportunities and prepping audition material.... and then there's Zombie Prom.

When I first started this project, I was hesitant at the very least. My first week, I was downright terrified. This was my first time working with high school students, and being only a few years older than them, it was a challenge for me. Right away, I could see that there was a huge amount of talent in the cast, and by the time the show went up for the first time about two and a half weeks ago, the entire company had come together to create a really spectacular, first rate production. Throughout my time with this school, I wore a variety of hats, but as my time came to a close, I came to the realization that no matter how well I taught them the music, something more had been gained from this experience.

Today, we closed the show and it was one of the most bitter-sweet moments in my recent memory. On one hand, I've never been more proud of a show in my life. I didn't feel like a music director watching his work unfold onstage, I felt like a big brother watching his siblings work as a team to build something very unique and very beautiful. On the other hand, tomorrow will be the start of the first week in four months that I won't get to work with these kids and to be completely honest, I'm a little devastated. While many of them have come to me with words of gratitude for what I have done for them, it is really I who should be grateful for their letting me into their lives with such compassion.

That is what is so fantastic about the theater. It is a place of inclusiveness. Everyone belongs, no matter what. The relationships that were built in the last four months are stronger and more real than most, and after the work and time that the cast has put into the show, the existence of these relationships is not unexpected.

After the show closed today, the cast worked to strike the set and clean the theater....which is one of the most symbolic acts in this art form, in my opinion. We work so hard in collaboration to create something that is exciting, musical, energetic, beautiful and alive. Then when the show is done and the audience has left, we take down what we have built to leave the space empty, bare and cavernous, as if the creation never existed. The only place it now exists is in the memories of those involved and those that witnessed it. And THAT, my friends is the bond that now ties us together. It is the sharing of the experience that is important, not the sets or the choreography or the vocal technique. The experience along with the people you share it with. It has proven true over and over again in my life. My steel trap of a mind forgets the lyrics and the steps and the blocking, but never the memories shared with the fellow collaborators. If that isn't magic, I don't know what is.

For some of the students in the show, it could very well be one of their last productions. They move on to other activities and life goes on. That is the way it works. High school kids are unbelievably busy. Soon they will be working on school projects, other shows, sports practices, choir and band rehearsals, etc....but the one thing that I hope sticks with them is that they can truly accomplish the extraordinary if they refuse to fade to beige. This is the truth that has been taught to me and this is what I plan to pass along.

After the strike, I went to see some pretty awesome peeps in the touring production of Spring Awakening, which was AWESOME, but before I left the school, one of the kids took my flipcam and went around to the cast and asked for any messages they had for me. The result was one of best gifts anyone has ever given me. The knowledge that I may have effected these kids' lives in a positive way is better than any paycheck. I now realize that THIS is why I do theater. THIS is why I committed myself to this project and will continue on to the next one with the same fire and passion. I am so confident in saying that the arts bring people together. They allow us to experience a oneness with everyone. No matter what language we speak, what color we are, the form of our politics or the expression of our love and faith, the arts prove: We are, all of us, the same.

With love and respect,
A

Walking Dead and Kickin!

Hey peeps! Sorry I haven't updated in a while. Its been a bit of a whirlwind the last few weeks. Here's an update: I am still (thankfully) working in the Twin Cities. No word on the tour gig, so I'm assuming they went with someone else....because the scheduled date to leave is tomorrow, and I am not about to jump on a plane with 12 hours notice. While this was an extremely attractive position for me, I fully realize that I am a baby music director at this point in my life, and joining a national tour would be a huge risk for the current cast/production AND the rest of my career. I mean, what if I couldn't hack it? How depressing would that be? Show up and realize halfway through the first show that I can't actually play the stride piano part in "Be Our Guest"...(which, in reality, I DON'T THINK I CAN ACTUALLY DO). Shambles, I tell you.

In other news. I did the reading of the musical "Deal Dammit" about two weeks ago and had an absolute blast! The rehearsals were held in a studio space downtown and then the reading itself was held in the "historic" Music Box Theater in Minneapolis, which I had never been to. When we got there, we did a quick (two hour) review of all the trouble spots in the score and went over the technical details for the reading. Then the producers bought us pizza (which, in case you didn't know, is my all-time favorite food. Yes, I am six years old and I'm okay with it). For the performance, they thought we would have between 50-60 people. The final count that I heard was about 160, so we were all very excited to have so many people come out to see our little project! The performance went really well and I am so grateful to have met all the people in the cast. The highlight of the experience was definitely working with the director, Lisa Weaver. This is because she was my prof for my Audition Techniques Lab in college. Lisa is truly a lovely human who is a blast and a half to work with, and I probably learned more from her about practical theater things than I did from any other person during my four years of study. Its people like her that make four hour rehearsals fun and quick! I certainly hope to work with her again in the future!

New show! I was just hired to music direct the Grinch musical for a company called Youth Theater Workshop. We did the casting last week and rehearsals start on Tuesday. I usually don't like doubling up on shows, but with the economy what it is, I don't think I will be in the position to turn down work anytime soon. Not to mention the fact that I am a typical guy and all the way suck at multi-tasking. The only two things that I can do at the same time are sing and play piano. And that is only useful in....well.....hardly ever. I'll try my best!

And now for the current goings-on: Zombie Prom.

I love this job so freaking much and I couldn't have asked for a better long-term project! I get along with almost everyone in the cast and I have actually gotten pretty close with a few of the students. They are all so talented and friendly and I am so glad that they welcomed me into their family with open arms. I have two weeks left with them and then its on to the next big thing, so I'm sure I'll be grateful for the Grinch when I am mourning the loss of my Roseville buddies. Anyway, we had our first audience for the show last night for an open rehearsal/preview, and as such things often happen, every technical element that could have gone wrong, did.

We have ten mic packs that had been working perfectly for the last week that suddenly couldn't find the frequency of the sound board. The keyboard that I play during the performances suddenly couldn't be wired into the house sound system. The light board cut out during the first company number. And yet, the cast did a valiant job of carrying on with the show and telling the story. Some true professionals in the making, if you ask me. I was beyond proud.

We now have one more week of rehearsals before opening night and we are in terrific shape as of right now. After some last minute vocal touch-ups, some dance review and some scene study, this will be a really stellar performance.

I also want to write about me recent trip back to Luther College and I am also doing a recording session with one of my favorite pianists this week, so be looking for another update soonish! Until then, smile! It makes life better - trust me!

A